Big Girls Dont Cry
by Mrs. Flame Alchemist Wannabe
Summary: SongFicBig Girls dont Cry Fergie. Dasey. Casey reflects on what's going on in her relationship with Derek. Rated..hmm...T. for later chaps.
1. It's personal

_A/N: Oh boy, I'm on a role. This is my like second fan fic in a matter of 2 days. This will be a song fic though. For an awesome song, Fergie- Big Girls Don't Girl. I absolutely am in love with it. I'm not going to put the lyrics in order as they are in most song fics. Just going to put them in how they fit to Casey's thoughts. Hope that doesn't bug you guys. Our adorable Dasey couple is going to go through some rough patches. Hope you like! Sorry if its kinda choppy. I'm pretty tired._

_Disclaimer: No, I don't own LWD. I will never own LWD, which is actually a good thing._

Big Girls Don't Cry.

Casey sat snuggled up to Derek on the couch on a late Saturday night. They were watching one of her favorite movies, The Notebook. But she just could not concentrate. She kept thinking about her relationship with Derek and where it was going. They had been dating for 6 months now and she knew she loved him. And her family and friends all approved and were actually happy for them both. But she was questioning her feelings, which scared her to death.

_It's personal, Myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do_

She had always loved Derek, even when she hated him. It was weird, and complicated, but she knew that she had, and would, always love him. But lately she felt like she was drifting away from him. Almost as if she was getting bored, although life with Derek was never boring. It confused her greatly and these past couple weeks she had been bombarded with these thoughts.

She needed a break. From Derek, from her family, from everything. She needed a quiet time so she could really think about what was best for her, and Derek.

_I need some shelter of my own protection baby  
To be with myself and center, clarity  
Peace, Serenity_

Maybe she would drive down to the lake this weekend. Stay in the house that George and Nora had bought a few summers before. She would ask Nora if she could go, even though she technically didn't need to, considering she was 18 and about to go off to college in a few months.

_College_. That was antoher thing that was plaguing her. What happened when Derek and her went to college and their separte ways. She didn't know if she could bare the pain of being so far away from him. Or worse yet, having to break it off.

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But Ive got to get a move on with my life_

Derek pulled her closer to him, as if sensing her thoughts about separation.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his voice heavy with sleepiness.

"Oh, nothing…"

"You're a terrible liar Casey. I don't even have to see your face to know your lieing. Come on, tell me what's wrong."

Casey sighed. He could always do that. Read her like she was an open book. She hated it sometimes, yet loved it others.

"I was just thinking about college…and us."

Derek shifted and opened his eyes. He sat up and looked at her. "Those words are never good. What were you thinking about about 'us'?"

"Just what we're going to do when we both go to college. I mean long distance relationships never work, especially being so far away as we're both going to be." Casey fiddled with the end of her shirt. She hated confrontations, especially when they were about such a serious situation.

"Well…" Derek prompted.

"Well what?"

"What else were you going to say. And don't tell me you weren't going to say something else, because then you'll be lieing, again."

"I think…I think we need to take a break Derek." Derek's deep brown eyes filled with a million emotions all at once. Hurt, anger, confusion.

"But…but…Things are so good. Did I do something?"

_I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, Myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do_

"No, no, of course not. It's not you, at all. It's me. I need some time to think about where we are going exactly. This is such a huge time in my life. I need time to get reacquainted with myself."

"Reaquainted with yourself?! What the hell does that mean?" Derek yelled, the hurt shown plainly on his face.

"It means I need to find myself again." Casey explained with a false calm. "I've been so wrapped up in everything that's been going on. You, graduation, college, moving. It's all so huge. And final. I just need a few days of peace and quiet to figure things out."

Derek stood up to pace the living room. He dragged his fingers through his shaggy brown hair. He yanked and pulled then finally stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I don't get it Casey." He said quietly. "Everything was so great, and now, just out of the blue, you pull this crap on me?"

"It's not crap." Casey said in a frighteningly quiet voice, not meeting Derek's eyes. "My feelings are not crap, and don't you ever say that again." She met Derek's eyes then, her own blue ones on the verge of tears. "It's not like this is easy for me Derek. You are my life. The one who completes me, and comforts me."

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life._

"Yet, you want to… what was it? Oh yeah, 'take a break?' Casey you don't just take breaks from people you love."

"Oh, that's bullcrap and you know it. Everyone takes breaks. Its normal, healthy even." Tears filled her eyes, but she visciously wiped them away. She wouldn't cry. She promised herself she wouldn't cry.

_Its time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry._

"Casey…I…I'm sorry. I'm being an idiot. I don't know what I was thinking." He sat back down on the couch and reached out to pull her close, but she pulled away.

"Derek, please, don't. I don't need you to touch me. I cant let you touch me now. God, I need to get out. Tell, Nora and George I went out for the weekend and that I'll be back on Monday."

And without another word she walked out the door, grabbing her car keys on the way, leaving Derek sitting on the couch, speechless and hearbroken.

_Okie day! There it is. I like this one. a lot. A little short, but still. Probably cause I love the song so much. I hope you guys like it too. I originally planned on having it stop as a oneshot but now I have decided that that's not going to work. Lol. So, I already have an idea for the next chapter, so that will be up once I see how you guys like it. Press the pretty button and review so I can see how you guys like it and post the next chapter!_

_Mucho gracias loves_. 3


	2. The lake

_Okay, this chapter was really good. But while I was writing the good one my computer shut down on me and I lost the whole thing. So, I'm going to have to try and get that inspiration and brilliance back and put it in this chapter. I hope it's just as good as the original. I made a couple extremely minor changes to the last chapter. I made Casey seem not so calm when she's explaining things to Derek, and I changed the color of his eyes, which my reviewer "RAWRIKICKBUTT" kindly pointed out to me that they are brown not green. _

_Disclaimer: Nope._

Chapter 2:

After leaving the house, and Derek, Casey got in her car and started it. She was just about to pull out of the driveway when a song came on the radio that had her stopping.

_It's personal, Myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do…_

_And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket…_

How could a song display her feelings so vividly? How could it say what she was thinking when she couldn't? The world was such a messed up place…She pulled out of the driveway, turning up the music, thinking about Derek.

She drove around for awhile. Going to the school, the mall, by old friends houses. She finally stopped at walmart to get the things she needed for her weekend.

Then she drove the lake.

The lake had always been a part of her life. Her mom and George had insisted on taking the whole family about 3 years ago, so they could "bond" together. And ever since then they went about 5 times in the summer. They allowed the kids to use the house as a get away, which Derek and Casey always took advantage of. Derek would throw wild parties, and Casey would invite Emily up for a girls weekend. The place was special to both her and Derek, which was probably what pulled her there.

She pulled into the driveway and looked up at the big house. It had beautiful bay windows, a wrap around porch, high ceilings. But she wasn't thinking about that right then. She was thinking about how good it felt to be there. She unloaded her car and set everything on the counter in the spacious kitchen. She took out the fergie CD she had bought on her trip to walmart and put it in the cd player, putting Big Girls Don't Cry on repeat and turning it up to blaring volume. Then she went into the kitchen and began to organize.

An hour later all the groceries were put away and dinner was on the stove. Casey sat in a chair on the deck facing the water. She looked out at it as she drank her ice tea and sighed. There were so many memories and feelings here. Memories of girls trips with Emily, Family trips with Edwin, Lizzie, and Marty. Romantic weekends with Derek… she loved this place, and was going to be extremely sad to not be able to come here on a whim when she was in college.

She remembered once when Derek and her had come up for a weekend alone a couple months ago. Derek had insisted they take a nature walk, thinking it would be romantic. They ended up getting hopelessly lost after about 20 minutes. When they realized they had no idea where they were they started walking aimlessly and talked. They talked for what seemed like hours before Casey noticed something that looked familiar. They eventually made it out of the woods and appeared by the lake they both loved laughing and holding hands.

Casey's heart pained at the memory. He was so sweet, always thinking about what she needed, wanted, loved. Thinking about him brought tears to the young woman's eyes, and she let them come. She wanted to be strong, and not cry over a decision she herself had made. But she also knew that if she didn't cry she would never be okay. She so she let the tears come. They came hot and plentiful, staining her cheeks and wracking her body with sobs. She dropped her head into her hands and her glass of ice tea dropped to the floor, forgotten.

She cried for what seemed hours, but in reality was about twenty minutes. As the tears subsided she looked out on the lake one last time, picked her cup up, and went back inside to finish her dinner.

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Derek paced the living room of his childhood home restlessly. His hand were dug deep in his pockets and his hair was tosseled from running his hand through it so many times. His brilliant eyes were full of grief, worry, and hurt, and his mind was racing a million miles a minute.

_++Flashback++ _

"_I think…I think we need to take a break Derek." Derek's intensely green eyes filled with a million emotions all at once. Hurt, anger, confusion. _

"_But…but…Things are so good. Did I do something?"_

"_No, no, of course not. It's not you, at all. It's me. I need some time to think about where we are going exactly."_

_++end flash back++_

What did she mean by that? Think about where they were going…Sure he knew that it was a big time and she was nervous about college, but he had always thought that their relationship was one thing she was sure of. Now, now he wasn't even sure of what was going on.

He slumped into his favorite chair and put his head in his hands. Where had she gone? What was she doing? Was she okay? All these questions raced through Derek's head and he shook his head trying to clear it. She hadn't even said where she was going, just that she was leaving for the weekend and would be back Monday. He knew she could fend for herself, he was just worried that she would do something rash. She tended to do that when she was nervous or frustrated or worried. He remembered one time when they had gone up to the lake for a weekend. He had persuaded her to for a hike with him and they had. But then they ended up getting lost about 20 minutes into it. She had freaked out so bad that she had almost ran into a batch of poison oak.

_The lake_. Why didn't he think of it before? Of course she had gone up to the lake. He ran upstairs, threw some necessities into a duffel bag, posted a bulletin on his myspace that he was going away for the weekend, then ran out the door, calling to the house that he was leaving for the weekend as he picked up his keys.

He got in his silver Dodge truck and slammed the door shut. When he started the engine Big Girls don't Cry came on the radio. But Derek didn't pay any attention to it. He backed out of the driveway and started up towards the mountains.

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Casey was sitting on the couch in the living room listening to music and reading a novel when she thought she heard a knock on the door. Setting her book down she looked at the door curiously. Who could it be? No one knew she was here, unless they had figured it out for themselves. She hadn't told anyone, not even Emily, where she was going. The house was far enough back in the woods that people didn't come up to it asking for directions.

She spotted the baseball bat that was in the umbrella stand near the door. One of Derek's old ones, she saw. The wood was cut from hitting so many balls, and the handle was worn smooth.

She gripped the bat with one hand as she looked out the peephole in the middle of the door.

No one was there.

_Strange._ she thought, _I was sure I heard a knock._ She shrugged, but didn't put the baseball bat down as she went to turn off the stereo and turn on the news.

What Casey didn't know was that someone was watching her from the other side of the lake.

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Derek pulled into the driveway just after 8 o clock. He had worried about her being asleep when he didn't see any of the windows in the kitchen on, but that worry washed away when he saw a light flash on in the living room. He climbed out of the truck,

grabbed his duffel bag, and walked up the stairs.

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Casey had jolted when she heard the rumbling of the truck outside. After the mysterious knock on the door she was extremely wary and only a little frightened. She padded over to the window and felt her heart go into her throat when she saw Derek climbing out of his silver dodge.

She sighed and unconsciously ran a hand through her hair, checking to make sure it was all in place. She was just about to open the door when it opened itself and Derek walked through.

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_Oh yes, I am good. Not only did I leave you guys with a cliffy but I also added a scary twist to my originally all-fluff story. Referring to the fact that my computer shut down i think this turned out better then the original -claps-Yay! I was wondering, do they have poison oak up in Canada? Well, if they didn't they do now. I love the twist that's been added. Freaked myself out. (im writing this at night) my stupid cat came in and I didn't notice and knocked over my clock, scaring the crap out of me. Well, this one was longer which im glad about, and we got to look at the situation through Derek's perspective. I hope you guys liked it!! Clicky on the lovely button at the bottom of the page to tell me what I need to change. _

_Hugs and Smooches to you all, and happy weekend!_

_P.S Oh, and I also liked the irony that they were listening to the same song when they were in the car and thinking of the same memory. See my genius? I should get an award…_

_P.S.S I don't know when this will get up because of Fanfics heavy server traffic! -tear- _

_Just remember. This was supposed to go up on, March 24. Blame fanfic for the wait!_


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